Saying yes to a speaking request: the time, the program and the room

What to ask the person who asked before you write a word: the slot, your place in the program, who is in the room, the microphone and what to cover or avoid. Also how to say no kindly.

What to ask before you write a word Understand

A talk is written for a particular slot, a particular room and particular people. Until you know those three things, any draft is a guess, and a guess is expensive to revise: a four-minute story cut to two minutes is a different talk, not a shorter one. So the first job is a short conversation with the person who asked you. We call what you collect from that conversation the ask: the facts of the request, written in one place. The ask sheet has a line for each fact, and a second sheet of questions to work through with the organizer.

The slot is the number of minutes you have, and the place in the program where they fall. The program is the order of what happens at the event: who speaks, when food is served, what comes before and after you. The organizer is whoever planned the event or invited you: a host, a family member, a planner, a club officer. Some requests come from more than one person, such as a bride who asks you to speak and a planner who runs the evening. Ask the person who sets the program, and say who that is on the sheet.

Convention The Lumen Learning public speaking textbook gives a ready-made list of questions for a booked speech: the size of the room, how many people are expected, who they are and what they think, what audio-visual equipment exists and who runs it, whether microphones are used, whether there is a podium, and when you can reach the room beforehand (Mastering the Location, Lumen Learning). Our ask sheet starts from that list and adds the questions an occasion talk needs: where you fall in the program, what to cover and avoid, and who to tell if plans change.

You do not need to ask all of these in one call. The first four rows are the minimum in Start here. Ask the rest as the date comes closer, and ask them sooner for a larger room, a funeral or a talk with slides.

The date, and when to arrive

Write the date in the setup form if you have one. The date lets the manual count back from it: the rehearsal plan spaces your practice runs from the occasion date. If the date is not set yet, leave the field blank. That is an honest answer, and the dated rows simply stay undated until you fill it in. Ask for an arrival time too, not only a start time. A host may want you in your seat before the room fills, and a technician may need you early to set a microphone level. If you want time in the room, ask for it by name, and ask when the room can be reached; the Lumen list includes that question for this reason.

The slot, and who set it

Ask for the slot in minutes, and ask who set it. "A few words" is not a slot. Ask the organizer to name a number, and ask whether it includes your walk to the front and any thank-yous. Two minutes means about two minutes of talking; with the walk and a pause for people to settle, the room hears you for slightly less. Our Shaping a short talk chapter turns the number into a word budget. Here, the job is to get the number from the person who owns the program and write it down.

If the number is a range, such as "two to five minutes," write the lower number as your slot and treat the rest as room you do not plan to use. A speaker who plans for the top of a range tends to finish at the top, and in a program with several speakers, running over takes time from the person after you.

If the organizer says "whatever you like," that is an answer, but not a number. Offer one: "I'll plan for two minutes unless you tell me otherwise." Then write the figure on the sheet as yours, and say so when you confirm.

Your place in the program and who else speaks

Where you speak changes what you say. A toast that follows a long dinner meets a room that is fed and relaxed; the same toast before the food arrives meets hunger. A tribute that follows two others has to add something or end quickly. A report that comes at the end of a long meeting may need to be short for the room to take it in. None of these facts is yours to set, but all of them are yours to ask.

Ask three things. First, where in the evening you speak: before the meal, after the main course, between speeches, at the end. Second, who speaks right before you and right after. Third, what each of them plans to cover. At a family dinner the host may toast first and tell the story you planned to tell. At a funeral, several people may be asked to speak, and the same memory can appear twice. Emily Post's advice on eulogies is to ask the family what should or should not be mentioned, and to ask other speakers what they will cover, so that you do not repeat each other or leave something out (Giving a Eulogy, Emily Post Institute). The same two questions help at a wedding, a retirement party or a club meeting. Convention

Different occasions have different usual orders, and a host, a couple or a family can set a different one. Our Giving a toast chapter shows the common orders at toasts and says who sets them. Tributes and eulogies covers a service with several speakers, and Running a meeting covers where a guest speaker or a report falls on an agenda. Here, the point is the question, not the answer: ask the person who runs the program, and write down what they say.

If you do not yet know your part in the program, say so in setup by choosing "I don't know yet." That answer sends you back to this section. Two roles are worth separating, because they change the questions. A speaker is one of several people who talk. A host or emcee runs the whole program, so the questions grow to include everyone else's slot and the time they need. If you are hosting, read Introducing a speaker for the program questions.

The people, the room and the microphone

Audience analysis is a speaker's name for finding out who will be listening so the talk can fit them. Stand Up, Speak Out, an open textbook, divides it into three kinds: demographic (verifiable characteristics such as age), psychographic (values, opinions and attitudes, which are harder to read from outside), and situational (the size of the audience, the physical setting, and how the audience feels toward the topic, the speaker and the occasion) (Three Types of Audience Analysis). Convention For a party the same three kinds turn into three plain questions.

• Who are they? Family, coworkers, neighbors, strangers; their ages; whether children will be there.
• What do they already know and feel? Whether they know the person you are speaking about, whether the news is joyful or hard, and whether they have heard the story before.
• What are the room and the occasion? How many people, where they sit, whether they eat during the talk, whether a drink is in hand.

The textbook's advice on how to learn this is the one a host can easily follow: for an audience you can reach, the most accurate method is to ask the people involved, by interview or survey, rather than to guess from general figures (Conducting Audience Analysis). At a party, the person to ask is the host. At a club, it is an officer. Ask "who will be there, and how many?" and write what they say. If they give a rough count, write "about" and the number.

The room, the microphone and the screen

Four room questions shape how you prepare, and each is a single line to ask. How big is the room, and how are people seated? Is there a microphone, and who runs it? Is there a lectern, and can you stand next to it instead of behind it? Is there a screen, and does your talk need it? The microphone question matters most, because it decides whether people at the back hear you. Voice, microphone and the room covers what to do with the answer. Here, write the answer even when it is "none," because "none" changes how you stand and how you plan to be heard in a restaurant, a hall or a backyard.

Ask when you can reach the room before the audience does. The Lumen textbook advises asking for time in the space before the audience arrives, to see the layout, test visuals and set sound levels, and says that losing a few minutes of speaking time to get equipment working is better than going without (Mastering the Location). If the venue will not allow it, that answer goes on the sheet too, and the day-of plan changes: you arrive early, and you bring what you need to work without equipment.

If the head count is large, the answer to the microphone question changes in weight. The green box in your setup treats a larger audience as a prompt to ask about amplification, not as a rule. Whether a particular room needs one is for the venue and the people who run the sound to say.

Will it be recorded or streamed?

Ask whether the talk will be recorded, streamed or posted. Our convention No source we found asks this, so it is the manual's own question, not a published rule. It is on the sheet because some speakers decide differently when a talk may be heard by people outside the room or kept after the evening. A story about a living relative, a joke that depends on the room, or a name you would rather not post can read differently on a recording. The manual asks the question; it does not tell you what to agree to.

What to cover, what to avoid and who to tell

Ask the organizer what they hope you will say, and what they would rather you leave out. Put it in two lines on the sheet: what they want covered and what to avoid. The answers are often short and specific. "Mention the move to Denver." "Skip the story about the car." "Please do not mention the diagnosis." A host who is asked directly will often say something they would not have volunteered.

Say the answers back. "So you would like me to thank the staff and keep it under two minutes, and not mention the divorce. Is that right?" It takes ten seconds, and it catches what you misheard. If the host says "anything is fine," ask one more question: "Is there anything that would be hard for you to hear?" That gives a quiet host room to answer.

At a funeral or memorial the question has more weight. Emily Post's advice is to ask the family what should or should not be mentioned. Ask the authority The family speaks for themselves, and the officiant or the venue speaks for the service. Those are two different questions: what the family wants said, and what the service allows. We do not answer the second on their behalf. Tributes and eulogies covers it.

Ask who else is speaking and what they cover. In a toast sequence the answer may change your main point. In a meeting, the answer may be that the treasurer already has the budget item and you need only a sentence on it. When you know what is already covered, you can give the room something it has not heard.

Confirm it in a short written reply

Once you have the answers, send a short written reply: three or four lines, in a message or email the organizer can answer with one word. A confirmation fixes what you both understood, and it gives the organizer a chance to correct a number before you write to it. It also leaves a record for you. Here is a model for a toast:

The reply does five jobs in five sentences: it says yes, states the slot and place, states the head count and the microphone answer, states what you will cover and avoid, and names the one thing you need back. The ask sheet fields match it line for line. Replace the example details with your own.

Then add a last line to your own notes: who to tell if you are going to be late or cannot come. A contact on the day is a person with a phone, not a general inbox. If that person is also the host, ask for a second name.

Saying no, kindly

You can decline. Convention Emily Post says a person asked to give a eulogy may decline, honestly, if speaking would be too upsetting (Giving a Eulogy). The page is about funerals, and we apply the same courtesy to any request: you may say no, and you can do it well.

A kind no has four parts. Say it early, because a request that sits unanswered for a week leaves the organizer with less time to ask someone else. Say it plainly and give a short true reason, or none. You do not owe a long explanation; "I don't think I can do it justice this time" is complete. Suggest who else might speak, if you know someone who knew the person well and would welcome the chance. And offer something smaller that you can do: a written note to be read aloud, a short reading, a photograph to display, or help with the program.

Here is a model: "Thank you for asking me. I'm honored, but I'm not the right person to speak this time. I think Aunt Rosa knew him best, and I would be glad to write a few lines for someone else to read." Four sentences, and each does a job.

Say no for reasons that are real. A date you cannot make, a subject you cannot speak on without distress, a request that conflicts with something you owe someone else: these are real. Fear of speaking is also real, and it is a common reason; if it is the only one, you can still say yes to a smaller version, such as a one-sentence toast or a reading that someone else introduces. If fear or distress is large and lasting, Nerves and the unexpected says when it is worth talking to a health professional.

A yes can also be conditional. "I would be glad to, if two minutes is the limit and I can read from notes" is a yes with terms, and an organizer can accept or refuse it before you start.

When there is no time to ask: "say a few words"

Sometimes the request arrives in the room: "Would you say a few words?" You have no time to ask a question. An impromptu speech is a short message with no advance preparation. Stand Up, Speak Out gives toasts and "say a few words" requests as examples, and five steps: collect your thoughts, thank the host, make one point briefly, thank again, and stop talking (Four Methods of Delivery). Convention The textbook adds that an impromptu speech works best when it is brief and focused on a single point.

1. Collect yourself. Breathe out, take a breath and pick up a glass if one is near. Two seconds is enough to start.
2. Thank the host. "Thank you, Daniel, for having us all here."
3. Make one point. One sentence that you believe and can finish: "Grandma taught me that cooking is a way to pay attention to people."
4. Give a reason or a moment. One short example, if you have one. Skip it if you do not.
5. Thank again and stop. "Thank you, and happy birthday." Sit down.

The steps ask for a point, not a performance. When there is time before the occasion, use Shaping a short talk instead, and Finding what to say for the point. Impromptu is the method for a request you could not predict, and it is not the method to choose for an occasion you can prepare for.

See it: Lena's four questions See it

• Mastering the Location: the Lumen textbook's list of questions to ask a host, a good model for the ask sheet.
• Giving a Eulogy, from the Emily Post Institute: how to decline, whom to ask and what to coordinate with other speakers.
• Four Methods of Delivery: the five-step impromptu speech, with the other three delivery methods beside it.
• When You Are the Emcee: one practitioner's checklist for briefing speakers and keeping a program on time.

Practice: ask and write it down Practice

Minimum: the four questions from Start here, with the answers on the ask sheet. Time: about 15 minutes to ask and write, plus the wait for answers; about 30 minutes with the confirmation reply. Materials: the ask sheet, a way to reach the organizer, and a calendar.

1. Write the occasion, who asked and the date. If the date is not set, leave it blank and note when it will be.
2. Ask for the slot in minutes. If the answer is "a few words," offer a number and write it as yours.
3. Ask when you speak, and who goes before and after. Write both names. Ask what each plans to cover.
4. Ask about how many people, and who they are. Write "about" and the number.
5. Ask about the microphone, the lectern and the screen. Write "none" when it is none.
6. Ask what they want covered and what to avoid. Say the answer back.
7. Send the confirmation. Three or four lines, ending with the one thing you need back.
8. Work through the questions sheet. Mark each answered or open. An open question gets a name next to it: who settles it.

Your talk Your talk

Check your work Check your work

Criteria

• Does the sheet have the slot in minutes, from the person who set it?
• Does it say where you speak and who speaks before and after you?
• Does it have a head count, with "about," and who the people are?
• Does it record the microphone answer, including "none," and whether the talk is recorded?
• Are what to cover and what to avoid written in the organizer's words, and read back to them?
• Does every open question have a name next to it: who settles it?
• If your answer is no, is it early, plain, kind, and does it offer something smaller?

Worked example

Lena's sheet passes the first six. The slot is two minutes, from Daniel. Her place is second, after Daniel and after the main course. The head count is about 14 and all family. The microphone answer is "none." What to cover and avoid are in Daniel's words. Four open questions each name Daniel. What it does not do is notice that she wrote "recorded or streamed: not that I know" and did not ask. Her sheet would be stronger with one more message, and the open-question list makes that visible.

Common mistakes

• Writing before asking. A draft for an unknown slot costs a rewrite. Ask first.
• Taking "a few words" as a number. Offer one and write it as yours.
• Planning for the top of a range. A range of two to five minutes becomes your five, and the person after you loses time.
• Skipping the program. Two speakers tell the same story, or none tells the one that matters.
• Leaving "no microphone" unwritten. It changes where you stand and how you plan to be heard.
• Asking the wrong person. The organizer may not run the room or the service. Ask who does.
• Not confirming. A message that says what you understood lets the organizer correct it while it is still cheap.

What is still unresolved

The sheet records what you were told. It does not decide what a family, a parish or a venue allows, and it does not decide what to say. For the main point and the stories, go to Finding what to say. For the length, go to Shaping a short talk. For what a funeral service permits, ask the officiant. For the microphone and the room, see Voice, microphone and the room, and ask whoever runs the sound.

Knowledge check and scenario

Checklist

• The ask sheet has the slot in minutes, my place in the program, the head count and the microphone answer.
• What they want covered and what to avoid are written, and I read them back to the organizer.
• I sent a short written confirmation, or I said no kindly.
• Each open question has a name next to it: who settles it.
• I practiced the five impromptu steps aloud on one prompt. (Go deeper; optional)